Pato Banton & The Reggae Revolution – Groovin

Release Date: Jul 96
Chart Position: 14

James BC
With a few days of this summer left at best, it’s about time we got to Groovin’ – Neggae’s answer to Summertime by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Pato‘s followed Will Smith’s instructions to the letter and given us a soft summer mix, and since it ain’t broke he won’t try to fix it.
All the PB vocal trademarks that we love him for are here to enjoy: putting his own name in where it doesn’t really rhyme, repeating the same word to fill space in the bar, random bits of nursery rhyming, overconfident instructions to “watch this!” followed by long silences. I especially enjoyed the rambling digression about how he doesn’t like the winter weather, nicely dramatised in the video too. Of all the performers who found themselves in the right place at the right time, the neggae explosion was particularly good to Pato.
As ever, Mr P. A. T. O. Banton’s great strength is the people he has around him. The lazy harmonica and retro record scratches are perfect for this tune and his singer has a great reggae/soul voice. His video director has done him proud too – as well as the fake snow freezin’-me-bits-off bit there is some laugh out loud comedy where a member of the Fun Police tries to stop Pato and friends enjoying the summer. I would have liked to see the casting advert for that role – WANTED: Man who looks even less cool than Pato Banton. But they found him and it’s much to all our benefit.
pato_banton___the_reggae_revolution-groovin
My only complaint is that, as the proud owner of 100% Reggae vol. 3, I’m aware of a very similar song by someone called Tyson, miraculously on Youtube here that I would say is even better. It’s exactly the same idea – are they both covers of some earlier song I haven’t heard? – but with a Soul II Soul beat, lusher production and arguably better rapping. There’s a bit that goes “Live your life a lover!” so it’s pretty much a can’t miss. None of that is Pato‘s fault, though, so I’m not knocking any points off – it would be like criticising Michelangelo for not being as good as Leonardo Da Vinci.
Score: 8 out of 10 – never change, Pato.

Jonny
Well it’s been quite the week of enlightenment:

  • Sky TV and Direct Line are ripping me off, badly, and if they do it for much longer I might make a half hearted attempt to do something about it. You have been warned!
  • Singing the theme tune to Escape to Victory in my head whilst playing does not make me better at football.
  • This version of Groovin was delivered by Pato Banton. I didn’t know who did it, I remember the song but for some reason thought it was someone else’s piece of averageness.

It’s OK, but that’s about it, it’s no car crash but it’s no ‘This Cowboy Song’ either. I’ve certainly got zero time for the Benny Hill’esque performances from the likes of the Park Keeper. I had thought Pato was above that kind of thing, but then I had a quick flick through some of his other stuff and remembered the whole ‘Bubbling Hot’ production. When I reflect on it Pato has delivered some of the finer moments of this list, but he has also contributed significantly to the devaluing of the whole movement.
Score: 5/10 from me.
P.S. I have a full on neggae chubby as we enter the penultimate week.

Gouldy
Only two more songs after this one to complete this epic journey throughout the period forever known as Neggae. The journey has gone on so long I’m starting to feel like Ulysses and if Homer were alive today I’m pretty sure he’d pen a poem about it.

Ulysses: looks a bit like my Dad

Ulysses: looks a bit like my Dad

This week we’ve the final offering from the Emerald Isle’s favourite Neggaeist, Pat O’Banton (I realise this is a terrible joke I’ve used in every review he’s been involved in but its taken on a heroic quality in my mind) with ‘Groovin’. He’s sampled the song of the same name by the Young Rascals which was a favourite on the chopper after we’d returned from a firefight with the Vietcong. Ok if you subsitute ‘Groovin’ for ‘Striaght out of Compton’, chopper for Storton’s car and Vietcong fro Badshot Lea that’s a more accurate picture but it was my own personal ‘Nam, I saw things man.
I think the vibe Pato was going for was a Neggae ‘Summertime’ but in my humble opinion he’s not scaled the dizzy heights of his ambition. The song starts with the sample and the now standard Neggae beat which should now be a default setting on Casio keyboards as its far more relevant than rumba or bossa nova. That’s pretty much as far as the production goes, the only good thing is the sample the rest is Neggae by numbers, lazy Pato.
Pato’s singing is ok, he’s got a mate chipping in who’s ok as well but if Chaka Demus and Pliers are the neggae equivalent of Champagne then these two are Blue Nun. Lyrically it’s Pato going on about the summer being better than the winter, a truly original observation and also quite subjective, it may well be in World Cup and Euro years but what about the other two?
The video is set in a park with Pato and his cronies setting up an illegal rave in a park bandstand and follows the attempts of the comedic park keeper to bring an end to this. Whoever did the casting for this really missed a trick as the prak keeper role is tailor made for Blakey or at a push Dynamo Doug Digby, instead they just got some no-mark in and the video  is none the better for it. We go on as the video’s narrative follows the hilarious mishaps these boys get into, summing up it’s a four minute Benny Hill sketch with no scantily clad ladies of the eighties, great. Overall this sums up Pato’s career, the ingredients sound good but there’s something missing and it ultimately fails. The song is also symptomatic of the decline of Neggae as, like the Beatles after they got back from India and got into all that wacky baccy and funny business, the good songs are few and far between.
Score 3/10 – Mehggae

Vince
The last effort from Pato Banton then, and it’s another typically positive yet slightly gauche offering that we’ve come to expect off this Cbeebies presenter of a pop star. Ploughing the same fields as Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince’s summertime – its another example of UK Neggae coming off a bit Lidl in comparison. Jazzy Jeff is (still) one of the greatest DJ’s the world has ever seen (I was in this crowd at this year’s Southport – he killed it.) In his hands, the relatively unknown Kool and the Gang Summer Madness instrumental coupled with killer beats and a clever new chorus became a worldwide smash.
With Groovin’ – Pato, the Reggae Revolution (I assume the chaps doing all the singing) and local producers the Beatmasters attempt the same magic with an old Young Rascals sample – but it just lacks that bit of magic. The beats are a bit more formulaic, there’s less invention on the chorus. The sample is a bit more obvious. Everything is a bit more average – which was ultimately reflected in the respectable but not earth-shattering chart placement.
Still there’s a couple of humourous lines in it, notably the passage regarding Pato’s dislike for the winter months. And the Reggae Revolution boys chip in their vocals with gusto. The video too is a lot of fun, Pato and the lands creating a pop-up carnival in the sleepy old Stratford-Upon-Avon Park. Here it is with some local types:

Lots of white people.

Lots of white people.

The Parky character seems all rather het up that Pato and his boys have taken up residence in an area traditionally used for trad jazz meets. But in true carnival style and after a few lugs on Pato’s baton he’s skanking with the rest of ’em. He even laughs when they drive their cadillac into the River Avon! By the end of the video they are all bezzies; to the point where he later joined them for a secret Wild Bunch shebeen at cooler than cool Bristol nightspot the Dugout.
shebeen

Such is the power of Neggae my friends.
Score: Middle of the river five out of ten from me.

NEGGAE SCORE: 5.25

Pato Banton ft Sting – Spirits in a Material World

Release Date: Jan 96
Chart Position: 36

James BC
Neggae’s Mister Nice Guy Pato Banton is back and this time he’s abandoned the fun larks in favour of a moody, atmospheric skank through a Police song. Sting wasn’t particulary busy so he’s along for the ride as well, furthering his and Pato’s weird relationship – at this point they are neggae’s second most prolific duo after Chaka Demus and Pliers.
First the negatives: the song is not one of the Police’s best, the verses being obvious half-baked gubbins and the chorus being Sting’s usual trick of repeating the same line over and over again. Sting at times seems to be doing a Typically Tropical accent rather unbecoming of the saviour of the rain forests and future Julio Iglesias collaborator. And there’s the perennial problem of Pato’s flow. I like “Mr P-A-T-O Banton” (just “Pato Banton” would have fit the song better) as much as anyone but puppyish likeability can only take you so far and I do wonder if he might have been better just doing his 14 lines on Baby Come Back and calling it a day.
On the plus side, though, whoever produced this has done a bang-up job turning unpromising materials into, if not gold, solid neggae bronze at least. If there’s one thing that Shaggy, Suggs and the gang have failed to show us so far it’s the dubby, reflective side of reggae and this song goes some way to setting that right. It’s beautifully unhurried, giving the snaking synths and echoing drum fills time to breathe and getting inventive with those operatic backing vox drifting in and out. The engineer has done a particularly fine job going to town on Pato’s rap, adding enough interest in the background to create the illusion of competence if you don’t listen too closely.
Caution: also in circulation is this terrible version, which only goes to show what a crucial role the production plays here.
How this song was appropriate to Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls is beyond me. To be fair I haven’t actually seen the film so maybe there is a scene where the gargoyle faced hamster locator contemplates his position as a spiritually conscious being in opposition to the venal world around him. In fact, there almost certainly is, isn’t there, and just thinking about it makes me want to chuck down a zero and give up. But when considered outside Carrey’s malign orbit the song is pretty enjoyable. Once again we can thank the neggae era for giving Pato his moment in the spotlight so that we can all enjoy it (and posterity for largely forgetting about Ace Ventura).
Score: 6 out of 10

Jonny
So after last weeks mental breakdown I thought I needed to pull myself together for this weeks effort. The standard backwards and forwards about which version we were covering did not help me in that quest. This expected non value added piece of complexity has become the norm in neg towers with elders seemingly trying to out do each other of their knowledge of various versions released on similar dates. Neg showboating is something I have come to expect, but have little time for. So after the to-ing and fro-ing I was given the choice of a number of versions to listen to and of course I was going to go with the Ace Ventura version (later I found out that there was actually no difference and the neg muscle flexing was all just a load of shite, not even a video with either version).pato_banton_with_sting-spirits_in_the_material_world_s
The opening line is ‘Pato and Sting Touchdown again’ – oh what a joy! I think it could be very easy to give this a total panning, but that fact that I really like the original Police offering and this does not deviate too much from that original script, which was already quite horn heavy, gives it quite a soft landing with me. Actually as it goes on it is not straight forward to to see what Pato has added to the whole affair, until he arrives at about 2mins in with a bit of roasting, toasting and boasting and he does quite a nice job of it actually. Needless to say Sting sounds as good as he always does. As I said I liked the original track, but this version becomes a bit moody, which I don’t think works that well. It’s almost as if they are trying too hard to make it that way, I would have preferred Pato to lighted it all up somehow, which was clearly not on his agenda. The bit that I am confused about most though is recalling at what stage this appeared in Ace Ventura (When Nature Calls), I am not bothered enough to find it online, but it’s not an obvious scene that springs to mind. It must have been in a slightly reflective part of movie. Maybe that piece that inevitably appears in all Jim Carey movies when the jokes and funny voices and faces disappear for a minute and he realises he’s just a weirdo with no friends or family and all the jokes are covering up a pretty dark and harrowed individual who would sooner murder you, gut you, then have sex with you and consume your flesh over a long period of time than have any type of interaction with you. All successful serial killers were great at standup, we all know that! Anyway, lets wrap this up for another week, 6/10 from me.

Vince
So this time last Friday I attended the Southport Soul Festival, and was subjected to some of the finest music I have ever heard in my life. Mr Scruff’s set in particular was a masterclass of crate digging, and I urge all of you to go and see him soon if you like music like this, this and this.
So on returning I’ve been a little despondent – and if I I’m being honest rather disillusioned about the Neggae blog. When editor-in-chief Gouldy shouted at me because I was late with submitting this yesterday, I honestly thought about tossing it all in. But then I made him do loads of incremental xml testing on his birthday day off. I’m much happier now.
With hesitancy then I looked up this week’s song to review and thought “Great, it’s Paddy Bantz and that tosser from the Police. And the song appeared on that BBC1-at-11.35pm-on-a-Tuesday-night perennial Ace Ventura 2?! This is going to hurt.
Well, for the first time in my life I was completely wrong.
Spirits in a material world is a rework of an old Police song, and itself sounds like another old police song, “I can’t stand losing you” – the good news is they are all melancholy skanking beauties. The Neggae aspect of the rework lies in the fantastic modern day instrumentation, notably the 4/4 ‘Exodus style’ reggae stomp favoured by Dreadzone and the like a few years later. The reggae drum fills are digitally crisp, and psychedelic radio chat feedback drifts in and out in a style not dissimilar to Paul Weller’s go-to sounddesk monkey Brendan Lynch.
Jamiroquai’s clear production is also called to mind, with a lush bottom  end, excellent keyboard washes and flourishes and a nagging jazzy 808 wiggle throughout. Every so often a psychedelic Rotary Connection style operatic wail enters inna nu-Psyche stylee. Interesting to note this is a motif of top current psychonauts Amorphous Androgynous, who would not even have been a twinkle in the eye of their parent The Future Sound of London.
As for the vocals, well they don’t disappoint. Great soul-searching and portentous lyrics that stand up today as they did back in 1981. Sting’s voice is in fine fettle, and Pato’s toasting sets it all off beautifully – proving he can do the heavy stuff as well as his usual jockey cap berking.
We have been dished an absolute treat here – in fact if you want to here me mix this into the UK Garage remix of Brandi and Monica’s The Boy is Mine then come down the West Byfleet Albion end of season party at the Blue Anchor on Sunday 25th. Because these two down-low bangers are going to fit (to paraphrase Ace Ventura himself) ‘Like a Glove’.
Score: 9/10. Superb.

Gouldy
So this week should have been a good week, it was my birthday and I took Friday off. Imagine my surprise when at 9.15 on Friday morning I get a call from a tearful Vince;
‘Gouldy, please can you test this new version of the system today? If you don’t I’ll be exposed for the fraudulent huckster I am and will definitely lose my job, basically the future of this company depends on you, we need this ready to release by the end of the day.’
Never one to ignore a friend in tears, no matter how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is, I told him to blow his nose, stop the tears and I’d sort it for him. So after spending 8 hours working with last night’s Malbec threatening to make an appearance at any time he decides there’s no need to release after all (that may be the most middle class sentence ever to appear in the neggae blog). Frankly it’s poor business decisions like this that led us into the spiral of recession in the first place. With this in mind Paddy and Gordon had better pull something out the bag because I’m not really feeling the sunshine vibe.
I must say early signs aren’t good as initially the production sounds like it’s going in the direction of that cyber hippy sound which sound tracked the Matrix Reloaded Party Scene, winner of that year’s Oscar for ‘Most pointless and most obvious load of filler scene in a disappointing sequel’, although looking back now it’s a bit racier than I remember, movement. To my relief the bass line kicks in and we get the classic reggae drumroll and everything is irie. This is clearly a cover of the Police original which despite the title isn’t a homage to Stain Devil but a sociopolitical comment on how the modern world is no place for a spiritual lifestyle as it’s a cesspit of commercialism and corruption, a magnified Yates’s basically. The production, though unmistakably reggae, isn’t your standard neggae fare as it has a more dubby and paranoid feel to it, this is edgy neggae. I find this strange as it was recorded for the soundtrack of wacky comedy film ‘Ace Ventura- When Nature Calls’, whilst not having perfect recollection of this film I don’t remember the scene when Ace smoked some moody funk and spent 3 hours wandering round his living room avoiding space bats and cowering away from his own shadow. Overall the production’s good, some nice strings, driving reggae beats and even a bit of opera singing which is reminiscent of the Warren G classic ‘Prince Igor’.
Lyrically Sting repeats his lines from the original whilst Pato adds his plea for peace, unity and all that other good shit. The two compliment each other nicely and the earnest heart-felt message is effective, in fact it’s had a direct impact on my actions. I was going to set fire to the house next door as the prick living there refuses to do anything about the Japanese knotweed that’s encroached into my garden but now I’m just going to key his car and place a decapitated Crow’s head through his letter box with a threatening note which will have a Satanic and occult theme, Pato and Sting you’ve taught me  temperance and I’m eternally grateful for this.
Overall this is like going to see a film, expecting it to be shit and in fact it turns out to be great. 8/10

Neggae Score – 7.25

In other news I’d like congratulate Vince on his Eurovision win, below is an exclusive action shot from his rehearsal for the big night.

eurovision

 

Pato Banton ft Ranking Roger – Bubbling Hot


Release Date: Apr 95
Chart Position: 15

Vince
Firstly, huge apologies for the 5 week gap since the last review. the death of Keith De Vivre hit us pretty bad here at Casa del Neggae, and it’s only now we’re out the other side that I realise how black things were.
Norm literally cocooned himself in his egg over Christmas, only coming out to baste his naked body in Kenny Rogers Roastin’ Syrup. Gouldy wandered from Woking pub to Woking pub, sidling up to 19-year-olds, drunkenly trying to persuade them that CJ Lewis is the natural forefather to Disclosure and Rudimental. And Jonny, well Jonny seriously thought about ending it all. He went to his local chemist, and typically loyal to his P&G overlords, intended to do himself in with some Gillette Pro-Fusion Glide razorblades. Unfortunately he didn’t have the requisite £12 on him to purchase said product. For the first time ever I think we’re all happy that Gilette are the pharmaceutical equivalent of a back street loan shark.

As for me, well I toyed with the idea of going to a four-piece a la the Stones for a few weeks in 74.

rolling_stones_mick_jagger_keith_richards_bill_wyman_charlie_watts_ron_ronnie_wood_fashion_photographer_hiro_black_and_blue_album_cover_1976_900_600

It just seemed wrong though – too symmetrical for the shambolic beast that the Neggae blog has become. So, like Mick did with Ronnie Woods, and the Jacksons did with Randie, I went in search of our fifth member.
We signed a promising young Jewish drummer who wanted to explore his suspected Jamaican roots on his mother’s side – only for him to resign before commiting his first emoticon to screen. He shall forever be known as the Lady Jane Grey of Neggae.
Then last week we hit the jackpot – longtime Neggae sage and comment King James BC has taken up the mantle of seeing the good ship Neg home through the final 28 songs. Welcome aboard James.
So, on to the song itself, and you’ll be glad to know that after that catharsis this will be short and sweet.
I bloody love Bubblin’ Hot. It’s an example of all that was good about Neggae and 90s pop in general. Like much of the best reggae, it is choc full of samples and interpolations that are derivative yet inventive. I spotted:

All of this stirred and mixed to perfection with a sprinkling of Digitized beats and bass – just like the soup inna pot in fact. The sung melody is easy and infectious, and the return of the two-tone hero that is The Beat’s Ranking Roger can only be applauded.
The video is a fantastic global-hypercolour, psychedelic romp – imagining our two Neggae bards stuck in dead-end catering jobs waiting for the record comapny men to come and whisk them away to stardom. Which they do. I imagine somewhere in a Jerk Hut kitchen Levi Roots saw this and thought, “that’s exactly what I’m going to do. In about 15 years time.” Note too the clever juxtaposition of black and white check – preferred stupid trousers of kitchen staff and also favoured styling of two-tone rudebwois.
Also, I can’t help but notice similarities in tone and style between this video and the vastly inferior Country House by Blur and Damien Hurst five months later. Of course, due to their Art-school heritage, Team Hirst were garlanded with using the comic-book look and feel of the 60s and sevs, while our Neggae boys were overlooked. Scorned even. It reminds me of what my Dad used to say whenever Matt Le Tissier did something amazing yet blasé –  “If a Brazilian had done that we’d all be ravin’ about it for months.”
Damn Straight.
Score: For seeing me through the toughest wobble this blog has known, a life-affirming 9.

James
Hello, I’m James and this is my first neggae review. My main qualification for getting recruited seems to be enthusiasm so I’ll do my best to carry on the good work all the others have put in so far. Fortunately I remember this particular song from the first time round, and even owned it, so I have a bit to say.
I first heard Bubbling Hot on the Chart Show, which did a nice line in previews by neggae second-stringers like Saint and Campbell and Junior Reid. I liked it so much that I rushed out and bought Pato’s album Collections on tape from WH Smith in Birkenhead. Maybe this was a common response – it would be one explanation for the single’s underwhelming performance (only number 15).
Weirdly for a relative newcomer to the charts, Pato’s album turned out to be a best-of, the sleevenotes claiming that he had been around since the early 80s. I’m still not sure whether that was an elaborate hoax – credits such as drummer David “Skins” Forskins are suspicious – but either way, it neatly filled out Pato’s character as the fun-loving but vaguely problematic uncle of neggae. There is:

  • a song where Pato does a Tom Lehrer-inspired rap with all 50 states of the USA in it, plus Puerto Rico.
  • an eight-minute political opus with the ominous title “Pato’s Opinion, Part Two” where at one point he promises to “fight against sodomites” (sadly not a single so no video dramatising this was produced)
  • an anti-drugs anthem “Don’t Sniff Coke” which must have warned dozens of young neggae fans off the evil white powder, recommending sensi as a healthy alternative assuming your girlfriend hasn’t run off with it.

In other words it was money well spent.
Bubbling Hot makes it three co-credits in three singles for Pato – commonplace today of course, but new enough in 1995 for someone to write an angry letter to Channel 4 Teletext about how Pato was piggybacking his way to success on the reputations of other people. That might have been a fair point when the collaborators were Sting or The Great Ali Campbell, but in this instance it’s more like Pato is doing Ranking Roger a favour, or trying to. A member of The Beat in the Two Tone era, Roger clearly jumped at the chance to become a 90s neggae also-ran as well as an 80s ska also-ran, so here he is, bubbling hot just like a soup in a pot.
Coming back to the song now, it’s actually better than I remembered. The groove is bouncy and cheerful, with piano, organ and horns blending together to make a pleasant fusion of neggae and old-fashioned ska. Where it falls down is the lyric, as it’s not really about anything – it’s basically a showcase for the toasting skills of Pato and Roger. I’d suggest that this may have been a mistake: if the 482 seconds of confused religious musings on Pato’s Opinion were a bit much, this goes too far in the other direction and the lack of any actual content leaves the vocals a bit exposed. Pato is not exactly CJ Lewis in the rapping stakes: once on Live and Kicking he tried to give an exhibition of rhyming virtuosity which collapsed when the best he could come up with for ‘polo mints’ was ‘wooden stilts’. I never saw Andi Peters so dismayed at the way a segment was unfolding.
Roger may be a sort-of legend who helped fill up side 2 of many respectable ska compilations but his style seems a tad off the pace when competing for the neggae pound against Shabba, Apache Indian and the rest of the new generation. Even his name dates him: he clearly chose it between 4th and 11th February 1978 when Althea and Donna were at number 1, erroneously thinking that ‘Ranking’ was going to be the in-word for the next ten years.
In brief, then, this is pretty enjoyable stuff but not going to set your world on fire. The soup metaphor is OK but also a little close to novelty when combined with the jolly groove. One extra point for the dance-along-a-lobster bit in the video – they don’t make ’em like that any more.
Score: 6 out of 10 but I’m new to this and I might be being over-generous.

(The whole ‘5th Neggae writer transfer debacle’ caused such a delay to this article that Gouldy’s typically zeitgeistesque Xmas gags make no f*cking sense whatsoever on 6th January. Apologies for losing the dressing room, won’t happen again – Vince.)
Gouldy
It’s yet another entry for everyone’s favourite Neggaeist from the Emerald Isle, Paddy O’Banton who’s joined by Ska stalwart, Ranking Roger of ‘The Beat’ fame. The track starts with a Bontempi version of the clarion call ‘Assemble the buglers’, which is very apt at this festive time of year and can be heard at many an office Christmas party in various guises. In fact as its Christmas I’m going to get everyone in a mood of festive jollity and intersperse my review with cracker style jokes (the kind you pull at Christmas rather than racists from the deep south).

Q – What does Miley Cyrus eat on Christmas Day?
A – Twerky

Paddy and Roger have a little, and very respectful I might add, introduction for each other then the neg skank kicks in. Lyrically the song is a paen to world peace by using the example of their unity producing bubbling hot (like soup in a pot) neg sounds and they don’t discriminate who they’ll rock either, the rich, the poor even the middle classes, they really don’t discriminate. One can only ponder how different the Korean situation would be if these two had been sent over to do a concert on the North/South border. I know what you’re thinking ‘this is a thoughtful and incisive reading of the current political situation Gouldy, but its Christmas mon, where’s the fun?’

Q – What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
A – The One Show

pato

Production wise there’s so much to like in this, Piano, Hammond, Horn section, Sax and police siren, coincidentally the last three were also the exact order of events at Michael Barrymore’s infamous pool party. This combination makes for a bubbling hot neggae soup of joy which just can’t help have you bogling round the Christmas Tree. Stick this on and you’re guaranteed an irie Yule time like all the best Carols it’s full of joy, hope and love (not you Vorderman, pedaling payday loans you shameless harridan).

Q – How do you know if Wayne Rooney’s Santa’s been in your garden shed?
A – You’ve got three extra hoes.

The video starts with Paddy and Roger working in a kitchen for Tony Dorigo and it’s clear the working relationship is under some considerable strain. The two heroes are left in charge of a vat of suspiciously green soup and as events unfold it becomes apparent what’s caused that colouring as it starts to resemble the time Jonny Atkins OD’d on Mince Pies and started hallucinating. First a Lobster starts dancing to the delight of Pat and Rodge then in a potassium based nightmare beyond the wildest dreams of Warhol and the Velvet Underground as a banana expands to an extraordinary size and starts chasing our hapless heroes round the kitchen. The soup also seems to contain soothsaying qualities as well which allow Pato to see a future in the recording industry which culminates with a gold record, I’m beginning to suspect they were following the Ken Kesey soup recipe as shit is going off the scale, there’s not been a kitchen this crazy since Spatz closed down. The video culminates with Tony Dorigo telling off a clearly mashed Pat and Rodge who are saved from the worst of the bollocking by a couple of AOR dudes turning up with a record contract.
Score: It’s not quite scotch bonnet broth but it’s still got a kick – 8/10

Jonny
It’s been another whirlwind few weeks at Neg Towers with a resignation and the appointment of a new elder. With Jamie’s extended paternity leave continuing to cause admin issues due to a lack of the appropriate forms being completed and correctly filed and now the resignation of Keith with his ludicrous pension pay out, Neg Towers Corp’s cash flow is in big trouble. My expenses for 2 Capri Suns and a dreadlock wig are now 2 months outstanding! Who’s accountable I hear you ask? Nobody apparently! Bullshit! That’s what it is! The scams that these guys have pulled will be talked about in a similar vein as the Expenses scandal and the Vegas skim! I just hope Franks has got stronger morals that the other guys.
Anyway I am not part of this gruelling and seemingly endless pantomime for the money. I’m in it for the love if Neg and my weakness to deal with any sort of peer pressure.
I was looking forward to this review having only fond memories of this track and had eyeballed it as another Neg Blockbuster. But on reflection I can only admit to being 70% sure about it. It is well up the Jokey Neg end of the scale and for that I think it loses marks purely because I considered it a proper Neg track and I feel a little let down. I feel slightly similar to the day (in the mid 90’s I believe) I read the Radio Times and whooped for joy that Teen Wolf was on TV that evening, only to have it described by them as “Fun for all the family in this likeable comedy”. What!! Teen Wolf isn’t a comedy I thought! it’s a drama tackling some serious teen issues about what life was like as a teenager that I felt I could relate to (the only differences between me and Scott Howard were that instead of 2 pretty girlfriends I had none, instead of being good at basketball I was average at golf and instead of having a fat guy that people mocked on the team, I was that guy! But apart from that we were similar). After watching it for the hundredth time and on reflection after the film I thought to myself….maybe it was a comedy? Maybe it’s not that believable? Maybe I don’t believe in anything anymore?
Anyway that’s the way I also felt after remembering this as a real game changer of a track, only to turn it on for the first time in years to see Pato Banton and Ranking Roger dressed up like something from Wily Wonka in joke kitchen! I felt empty and cheated, like a fool…
Score: 7/10 – the tracks still OK, just a little disappointed that’s all.

Norm
Pato Banton and Ranking Roger are an interesting pair. Honestly I have no recollection of this bad boy.
I love the introduction “Just like a soup in a pot, we are what? Bubbling hot” Now that’s the way to get started. What could go wrong? Dressed in chefs whites, these two berks are prancing around the kitchen rehashing the bubbling and hot in one way or another for the next couple of minutes. The highlight of this video was them mucking around with the dancing crab.
There is little else to say about this one. It’s not his worst, not his best, it just feels like this is Pato being Pato, churning out some slightly above average tunes.
It contains the typical Pato offerings. Good vocals, solid instrumentals, amusing video but no real depth or meaning to his lyrics. If there is any cryptic message in this one, it has gone right over my head.
Score: A fair effort, nothing else. C’mon Pato step your game up! 5/10.

NEGGAE SCORE: 7